


As If By Plan, I Have Been Left Alone

by Smartinski



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But please see the movie it is a masterpiece, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE!, Infinity War spoilers, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 05:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14442594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smartinski/pseuds/Smartinski
Summary: ***MAJOR SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR***Tony is empty. Tony is helpless. Tony is alone.Tony is.





	As If By Plan, I Have Been Left Alone

He sits.

He sits and stares at the ash scattered around his broken suit and he can't quite fathom what happened.

All he can do is replay, replay, replay.

_I don't feel so good, Mr Stark._

Tony's sure he can still feel the boy clinging to him. But he's not.

He's scattered on a planet that Tony does not recognise and the wound in his stomach is aching but the pain only serves as a reminder that he's alive, and Peter is not.

_I don't wanna go._

_I don't wanna go._

What does he do? What does he do when he has not much hope left?

Clueless, numb, merely a shell. He feels defeated.

"I fixed the pod."

Tony does not look up, but side eyes the shadow that's appeared on the ground. It covers Peter's ashes in darkness. Fitting.

Nebula takes a seat on a rock next to him, her metal fingers intertwined. "I think we can both agree that the next destination should be Earth."

He looks up at this. The sun casts a light around the woman next to him and her eyes scream pain and grief. He wonders if their eyes reflect the same.

He's desperate but defeated all at the same time. He can't fight anymore, but he wants a resolution.

"What do we do now?" He asks a stranger for help. His own voice sounds foreign to him because he's always the one with a plan. Even if it isn't a good plan, he is the one who fixes things.

Nebula frowns at him, looks at the piles of ashes around them.

"There's nothing we can do to fix this." She shakes her head. "But to hell, if I'm going to sit here and not get my revenge."

She stands and heads to the pod that's tilted to its side.

A gust of orange dust blows through the wind and he thinks of the person he's been trying not to think of as soon as Peter disappeared in his arms.

He can't deal with that. He doesn't want to think about the possibility or the chances that she's there with open arms. He doesn't want to think.

 

{}

 

Tony closes his eyes during the entire journey. He is now in denial over everything that they've seen.

It was curiosity before. Of course, terrifying, obviously after the wormhole...but something inside of him wishes that the only extent this all went to was meeting Thor. He wishes it was all put to an end after that, or he wishes nothing else existed past Thor's existence.

So he closes his eyes, refusing to see the world outside of his own, and only opens them when he wakes from his sleep. They've entered the Earth's atmosphere and it's time to decide where to go.

Nebula wants revenge, Tony wants Pepper.

Nebula _needs_ revenge, Tony _needs_ Pepper.

So he asks quietly whether he can be taken to the Stark Tower. She doesn't argue and he goes back to sleep.

He dreams of telling Aunt May. She holds Peter's rucksack and screams. She screams at Tony, over and over.

_This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all-_

"Where shall I land?" Nebula wakes him.

Tony's eyes readjust and as they lower into the city, the smoke is more evident and the destruction brings back a sense of déjà vu.

"On that pad, just there."

He's nervous, he feels sick. He doesn't want to know but he _needs_ to know.

He gets off, thanks the metal woman, doesn't turn to watch when she drives the pod away. The doors open for him, there's silence.

So much silence.

The contrast of the quietness and his broken suit knocking against the floor reminds him of sad poetry.

Silence, silence, silence.

So he limps over to the elevator and presses the floor to Pepper's office, focusing on his breathing as he waits for the doors to open.

When they open, Happy is on the other side.

Fireworks light up and dance around in Tony's ribcage and he doesn't feel so helpless anymore.

Happy is staring at the ground, unsettled and sniffing until he's aware of Tony's presence.

" _Hap._ "

Tony's voice is pathetic, a squeak, broken.

Happy takes one look at him (broken suit, mask-less and half closed wound) and steps forward, wrapping his big frame around Tony's.

"Tony." Happy is crying. Tony can't hug back properly because one hand is still suited up and all he wants to do is cling onto his best friend.

"Hap, you 'kay? You're okay, right? Everyone okay?" His voice strains because he wants answers. He'll never be too lucky and he knows this.

"Ton-I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry." Happy whispers.

"Hap, where is she?"

His heart stops, his breath held. They both won't carry on their natural process until he knows.

"It's-I don't know what happened...one minute-everything was..."

Happy pulls back and holds Tony's shoulders.

They look at each other and Happy's hold on Tony's shoulders seems to feel tighter than before and _god god god god god_.

"Where is she?"

Tony finally takes in the ash scattered over Happy's suit and he feels bile in the back of his throat.

"What floor. What floor." His brain sparks and pops and his heart feels tight and he doesn't want to know. But he needs to. He needs to.

They go down to Pepper's office. The doors open. His eyes land straight on them.

No suspense. Right there, on the ground.

The room tilts, he clings on to the open door of the elevator. "S'that-"

Ash, ash, ash, ash, ash, ash.

_Tony, please tell me you're not..._

He steps forward. His legs give way. The movement scatters the pile of ash slightly.

_Come back right now. Come back._

He's stunned into silence. Denial. Insanity.

Her phone sits on the floor. The screen shows that she was ready to call him.

" _Pep-_ " He gasps.

It all comes pouring out like a tidal wave washing over him. He grips onto his metal heart, he wants to rip it out. He wants to rip it out and give his real heart to her.

She's gone. She's gone. She's gone.

"Pepper, _please_ -"

He falls back, chokes on his tears. He feels Happy collapse next to him and holds him. He can't breathe. He can't breathe.

Sound and light begin to fall out of unison. His world spins slowly, darkens as he falls into a panic. The call of his name is only quiet but he knows it's being yelled.

Pepper's ashes. It's Pepper's ashes and Peter's ashes over and over and over and over until it's not.

It's Rhodes, kneeling down in front of him.

"Tony."

_Tony!_

"Tony, come on."

_Mr Stark, I don't feel so good._

Rhodey grabs his face, makes him look at him. "Come on, Tony."

Rhodey is here, alive. Happy is behind him, alive. It's enough to calm him down.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I'm sorry. This is horrible. None of this is good, at all. But you've got to come with me because the Avengers need each other. We need each other right now." Rhodes has tears in his eyes.

Tony shudders a breath from his lungs, leans against Happy.

"Hap," Rhodes looks up. "I don't want to ask you of this, but please can you...put Pepper-"

"Yes." Happy replies.

"Then the three of us are getting out of here, okay? Nobody is going to be on their own."

 

{}

Something twists in Tony when he sees the 'A' on the Avengers building. It reminds him of a time when their biggest threat was a hole in the sky and the only constant villains were part of the human race. Now all he feels is ash.

The world feels half empty. Which it is.

It feels smaller, their defence feels smaller, hope feels smaller. Hope feels near enough non-existent.

And when he enters the building and sees every broken Avengers reeling in pain and fear, nothing feels real.

He hobbles in, a true definition of a broken man and the sound of metal makes everyone look up.

He locks eyes with a red-eyed Steve for the first time since they were beating each other senseless. Everything has changed.

He's taken aback when Natasha takes one look at him as she sits by the window and she gets up and rushes to him, flinging her arms around his neck.

Too much has changed.

"That wound needs to be looked at." Her voice is monotone.

Tony shakes his head. "I don't want to."

Natasha pulls back, looks him in the eye and nods. "Okay."

She goes back to the window and picks up her phone.

They're all staring at him, maybe with a little bit of hope in their eyes. This tells Tony that it is so much worse than he thought.

Banner steps forward. "How many?"

Tony tilts his head at Bruce. Then to Thor. Next to him is a dog standing on its back legs.

Not the weirdest thing he's seen.

The dog speaks. (Also not the weirdest thing he's seen).

"My, er...the Guardians...are they?"

Tony stares at the animal.

"They're gone."

The animal's shoulders sag. He walks to the back of the room.

Tony looks back to Bruce. "The Guardians, Strange...Parker..."

Steve's face morphs into discomfort.

_I don't wanna go._

He brings his hands to his head. "Pepper's gone."

All heads snap up. Makes it ten times worse.

Rhodes helps him over to the couch where Steve sits.

He feels Steve staring at him. He knows there are tears.

So Tony stares at the glass table in front of him. He can see his own reflection.

"Pep's gone."

He leans back against the couch. He knows people are missing in this room. He doesn't want to ask.

Banner sits down. Looks up at Tony.

"He got Vision's stone. He's gone."

Tony nods, folds his arms, stares at the ceiling.

"Wanda's gone. T'Challa-"

"Sam." Steve mumbles. "Bucky."

Tony turns his head on the couch. Stares at Steve. Then to Bruce, Natasha, Thor, Rhodes.

So much has changed. Everyone looks worn, aged. Still in their half ripped off suits and dirty, bloody armour.

And it's not funny this time. It's not well-glad-that's-over-let's-go-eat-shwarma anymore.

This is the end.

Tony watches Natasha with her phone glued to her ear, trying and trying to ring the person that matters most to her. She and Tony lock eyes for a moment and he knows it's Clint she's thinking of.

He closes his eyes. Imagines all these people disappearing, turning into dust.

_Tony, come back right now._

He watched his best friend pick up the ashes of the love of his life and put them into a cup. Nothing is okay anymore.

"What now?" Banner whispers and for some reason they all turn to Thor who towers over them.

He's got his hand to his mouth and an arm around his torso and Tony sees no hope or plan of action on his face.

"I've lost everything." Thor states. "We've all lost somebody today, and Thanos has all the stones. The future seems pointless and hopeless. But what I do know is that none of us, absolutely _none_ of us have nothing left to lose."

"Except for each other." Steve swallows.

"True as that may be...if we're going to lose each other, I do believe it's best that we lose each other together." Thor looks around the room.

"So you want to fight?" The dog re-appears. "How the hell are we gonna do that? We couldn't kill him when he had three stones. He's got _all_ the stones."

"I know you are correct, rabbit-"

Tony frowns. "Wait, you're not a dog?"

The animal glares at him. "Of course I'm not a dog."

"He's a rabbit." Thor states.

"I'm _not_ a rabbit."

Happy seems stunned. "Then what are you?"

Natasha pulls the phone away from her ear. "He's a racoon."

"I am _not_ a-you know what? Screw it, we'll go with racoon." The animal kicks the side of the armchair Bruce is sitting in.

"So, Thor." Cap sits up, his fingers intertwined on his lap. "Where do we start?"

_Tony, please don't tell me you're..._

Tony looks at Thor.

_I don't feel so good, Mr Stark._

He speaks for the god of thunder.

"We get our revenge."

**Author's Note:**

> This movie has torn my heart out.
> 
> *It’s not shown in the movie that Pepper dies, but this was a horrible idea I had when I left the cinema and was in distress as I drove home*
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and suffered as much as I did!


End file.
